


I Wandered Home Saying Your Name

by taqarat



Series: Like Whispering You Know Me [3]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, How do you do smut with no kissing?, M/M, Set before the events of TRK
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 17:38:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11582955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taqarat/pseuds/taqarat
Summary: Ronan dreams up a magical curtain to give Blue and Gansey some privacy at Monmouth.





	I Wandered Home Saying Your Name

Blue closed her eyes and kicked her feet up on the hot dashboard of the Pig. Stretching her arm out the window she allowed the wind to buffet her hand as the car careened down the small country lane. It felt good. The cool wind hitting her hot skin, the loud rush of air tempering the growl of the engine. 

 

“You okay?” Noah’s soft voice in her ear surprised her. She tilted her head to see him with his chin hanging over the top of her seat, his eyes squinting in the rushing air. Blue folded her arm back into the car and scrunched her fingers in his fair hair. She was relieved to see him. It was the first time he’d shown up since the night before but the gang had left room in the cars just in case he would appear. His absence had been sorely felt that morning when they’d all gotten together to reveal Gansey’s presence on the death list. It turned out that Ronan had been the only one surprised by the news but it had been a gut wrenching morning none the less.

 

Blue didn’t answer Noah’s question. She didn’t have the words to describe how she was feeling and Noah didn’t need words anyway. He pulled away when Gansey noticed his presence, shifting his body to lean in between the two front seats and ruffling Gansey’s hair playfully. Gansey ducked away, grinning but Blue couldn’t help but notice the tension that remained in his shoulders, the ever present crinkle of worry on his brow.

 

What Blue felt was…. a lot. Too much. Too much happiness, too much worry, too much grief, too much love. She’d been feeling it all for some time, all of them had, but the recent discussion had brought it all to the surface. Blue felt as if her very nerves were exposed, tender and pulsing.

 

Gansey pulled the Pig up behind the BMW on an overgrown dirt road not far from Ronan’s childhood home. The group had decided they needed to let off some steam after the heavy news from that morning and Ronan had suggested his favorite swimming hole from his youth. It had been predicted by the local news that the freakish autumn heat wave would end the next day, so swimming seemed an appropriate activity. They could pretend it was summer for one more day in the same way they were pretending they were normal, carefree teenagers. School and jobs could all be forgotten temporarily, not to mention quests and curses, sentient forests and tangible nightmares. And names spoken in churchyards. 

 

There was no swimming hole, or body of water at all, visible from where they parked, but Ronan had pulled himself out of his car so they all followed his lead. Matthew practically exploded from the back seat and Blue was happy that Ronan had thought to bring him along. They had already changed into their swimsuits, Blue at Fox Way and the boys when they’d stopped at Monmouth. It had been amusing to see Adam emerge from the old factory in a borrowed suit, obviously Gansey’s by the garish pink and green floral print. It was only slightly better than the one Gansey was sporting - orange lobsters on a turquoise background. Blue’s black, crochet two piece was positively sedate in comparison. It had a high neckline and long beaded tassels that covered most of her midriff so it was still decidedly Blue’s style.

 

Ronan and Matthew lead the way through the trees a short distance until they emerged at a small pool formed by a sharp turn in the river. They stood on large, flat stones that were nestled into the arc of the river just a few feet above the surface. Across the water was a vertical wall of stone jutting up at least 15 feet.

 

Gansey and Blue spread their things on the low rocks while Ronan leapt straight in the water, leaving a trail of joyful obscenities in his wake. Matthew quickly followed suit. Blue noticed that Noah and Adam had stopped abruptly when they first emerged from the trees and were now grinning at each other. 

 

“We’re on the line.” Adam gasped.

 

“Yeah, we are,” Noah replied with a laugh. He was more present than he’d seemed in a long while and he leapt joyfully in the swimming hole without further preamble.

 

 

“Hey, Parrish,” Ronan called from the water a while later. “We came here to swim. When are you getting in?”

 

“Maybe later,” he answered from where he was lounging on the warm rocks next to Blue and Gansey. There was something off about his tone.

 

Ronan pulled his long self up onto the rocks next to them and grabbed one of the water bottles they’d brought. He took a pull off of it and then turned it on Adam, spraying the cold water onto his chest and stomach.

 

Adam gasped loudly. “What the hell, Lynch? Knock it off!”

 

“Come on, Parrish. Stop being a fucking old lady and get in the water with me!”

 

Adam just glared.

 

Ronan squirted him a bit more and Adam lunged for the bottle from his sitting position. “Stop!”

 

Ronan easily backed out of reach. “What are you going to do about it?” he taunted.

 

“Ronan, God. Just…“ Adam's tone seemed more tense than the situation called for and Blue tried to puzzle out the real issue. He put his head in his hands and finally mumbled an explanation. “I can’t swim, okay? I never learned.”

 

The silence was thick after his admission. Not being able to swim wouldn’t be a huge deal if it wasn’t such a stark reminder of Adam’s upbringing and how different it was from all of theirs. Blue scrambled for something to say. Adam's shame and embarrassment were so plain to see it was heart wrenching. She flicked her eyes to Gansey and he looked equally lost for words. Blue panicked. The longer the silence stretched on, the worse it felt and Adam was clearly struggling to hold onto any scrap of dignity.

 

Finally, Ronan broke the silence with a scoff. “Guess you _can’t_ do anything about it then.” And with that he squirted the rest of the water bottle at Adam and then dove for the swimming hole. Blue barely had time to register her indignation at his asshole move before he hit the water. The ledge they were sitting on was only a foot or two above the surface of the river but the sound Ronan made when he hit it made it seem like ten times that distance. His belly flop was so spectacular and so loud the rocks reverberated with it. Matthew let out a loud whoop when Ronan’s head emerged from the water and the rest of them guffawed at the ridiculous feat. The tension was completely broken.

 

Even Adam was laughing as he stood to help pull Ronan back up on the rocks. Ronan’s chest and stomach were a deep scarlet that contrasted starkly with his otherwise pale skin. It was painful to even look at. He crawled up a few feet away from Blue and Gansey and stretched out on his back, his hands hovering carefully over his chest.

 

“You are a total maniac, you know that right?” Adam chided warmly.

 

“Ow.” Ronan retorted, his eyes scrunched shut.

 

Adam settled down next to him and then leaned over to kiss him sweetly, careful to avoid even brushing up against Ronan’s angry skin. He was smiling and his relief and adoration were apparent.

 

Ronan suddenly pulled back an inch or two, almost angrily. “Wait. The boat. When we found the wheel.”

 

Adam sat back and sighed, looking down at his hands.

 

“You went in a fucking boat with us, Parrish. You didn’t think maybe telling us you can’t swim back then was a good idea?” Ronan’s voice wasn’t necessarily louder than before but it was definitely more pointed.

 

“Are you mad at me right now?” Adam asked.

 

“Yeah, I’m fucking mad. That was a shitty, little boat with way too many of us in it. It could have tipped at any second.”

 

“I was aware of the risks.”

 

“Risks you shouldn’t have taken. There was no need for you..”

 

“Says the asshole that street races for fun,” Adam interrupted, now clearly mad as well. “Are you really going to lecture me on risky behaviors?”

 

“Those risks were calculated! I knew..”

 

“Stop!” Gansey interrupted exasperatedly. “Are you two really having a pissing contest over who is more reckless? Adam. Please don’t drown. Ronan cares about you. Ronan, please don’t crash your car. Adam cares about you. End of story. You two are impossible sometimes!”

 

They both sat quiet for a moment, slightly chagrined at being chastised by their friend. 

 

“I don’t, anymore, by the way. Street race,” Ronan muttered. A moment later he reached out and tugged on Adam’s thumb, pulling it gently to his chest.

 

“I know. And, I haven’t been out in a boat lately either,” Adam murmured as he stroked over Ronan’s sternum ever so lightly. Witnessing such blatant tenderness between the two of them was new to Blue, and a smile tugged at her lips.

 

Adam did get in the water eventually, cooling off in the shallows with the rest of them. She could tell that Ronan was watching him carefully though, and he yelled at Matthew twice when he got too rambunctious around Adam. Of course Adam had retaliated by using the lid of their cooler to splash walls of water at Ronan mercilessly. Then Ronan had chased Adam onto the shore and thankfully the rest of that fight had been taken into the privacy of the dense forest beyond.

 

The rest of the gang took turns climbing the rock face on the far side of the river and cannonballing into the deepest section. Blue had earned an admiring fist bump from Noah when she’d done a cartwheel off the top into the water. Even Gansey had jumped over and over again off the cliff, a gleefully dangerous spark in his eye that Blue had never seen before.

 

When she’d tired of swimming Blue retreated to the low rocks, laying down on a towel next to Ronan’s sprawled form.

 

“How’s your chest? Anything permanently damaged from that impressive belly flop?”

 

“Just my ego.”

 

“Yeah, well, we all know you sacrificed yours to save Adam’s. Nice move, by the way.”

 

Ronan opened his mouth as if he was going to rebut the compliment with one of his usual crude comments. Instead, he gave Blue a sad, little, half smile and turned to watch as Gansey leapt loudly and joyfully off the high rocks. Blue watched too. She was once again struck by how alive Gansey was. Youthful, healthy, and seemingly carefree. It was hard to reconcile this version of him with the knowledge of his impending death. Ronan seemed to be having the same thoughts. He shook his head slowly and laid back flat on his back again, throwing his arm over his face.

 

Blue was tempted to ask him if he was okay, but she already knew the answer. Ronan wouldn’t want to talk about it anyway, the truth being too painful and a lie not an option for him. Instead, she followed Adam’s example of false confidence. “We’ll save him, Ronan. There has to be a way.” She emphasized her point by kicking at his thigh gently with one foot. Ronan responded with a grunt and looped his hand around the offending ankle, squeezing tight. He didn’t let go for a long time.

 

They hiked back to the cars in the late afternoon. Noah had long since disappeared, but he’d been more present and alive that day than anytime Blue could remember. 

 

When she and Gansey climbed back into the Pig, Ronan approached Blue’s window. 

 

“You two heading back to Monmouth?” he asked in such a casual tone that Blue knew it was anything but.

 

“That’s the plan,” answered Blue.

 

Ronan just nodded, again too casually, then straightened so she could no longer see his face. “Enjoy,” he said and knocked twice on the roof before turning towards Adam and Matthew waiting at the BMW.

 

Gansey started up the obnoxiously loud engine and waved to the rest of them before pulling out. Blue raised her eyebrows at him. “What was that about?” she asked.

 

“You’ll see,” he said, smiling back at her.

 

 

*****

 

 

Gansey was still smiling a short time later as he held the door open to Monmouth Manufacturing. Blue slipped past him and immediately noticed the change in the room. Gansey’s bed, usually in the middle of the large space, had been moved over close to one corner of the room by the windows. In addition, it was shrouded in a beautiful white curtain that looped up over the trusses high above. Blue crossed over to it and ran the curtain between her hands. It was like no fabric she’d ever seen. It was both silky and weightless to the touch but when she draped it over her arm is was heavy and substantial. It shimmered beautifully in the sunlight that filtered through from the windows beyond.

 

Gansey followed her over and ran his hands over the curtain, too. “Ronan dreamed it up and Noah helped hang it.” It suddenly dawned on Blue why they’d gone to the trouble. Apparently Gansey was suddenly keen on a little privacy. Blue grinned through her blush.

 

“Ronan did this? For us?”

 

“When I thanked him he claimed it wasn’t for us. It’s apparently to spare Adam from having to tiptoe past me when he spends the night and needs a midnight bathroom run.”

 

“Does Adam need the dream lights too?” she asked, pointing to the floating little spheres that gathered at the top. The whole effect was so whimsical and romantic there was no doubt that it was Ronan’s silent endorsement of their relationship. He of course wouldn’t want credit or any acknowledgement of his generous tendencies, which made it even sweeter.

 

They both stepped inside the curtain. There was only enough space within for the bed, a nightstand and a few feet on each side but it soared high above to the rafters. It was even more magical feeling inside with it’s golden light. As the curtain fell closed behind them they realized it also cut out most of the sound. 

 

Blue craned her neck to look all the way up but couldn’t see the dream lights in the brightness of the daylight shining through. She sat on the edge of the bed and laid back to try to make them out better. Gansey did the same next to her, the side of his hand brushing hers. Then, they turned their faces to gaze at each other. The silence, the golden light was like a spell. She was afraid to break it by saying anything or moving too fast. She reached out slowly and brushed a finger down his forehead, along the bridge of his nose to his chin, skipping over his lips. She couldn’t stop looking at his lips. He turned onto his side to face her better and the look on his face melted her heart. It was so pure Gansey. No facade, no carefully arranged mask, no brave face for the world. Just stripped bare, adoring Gansey.

 

Blue noticed that his phone was in his hand and she felt an uncharacteristic need to capture the moment. She took it and knelt on the bed above him, snapping a picture of his face against the white sheets and then glancing at the screen. The light made him look like an angel. She suddenly had a vision of herself sometime in the future staring at this picture and knowing that it would be all she had left of him. The events of the day caught up with her in a rush. The knowledge that she was going to lose him overwhelmed her and her heart pounded painfully in her chest. She put her hand over her mouth and tried desperately not to cry. Gansey sat up, his peaceful face replaced with one of concern.

 

And Blue was angry at the pain. Angry that she couldn’t enjoy loving this boy because she knew that she wouldn’t get to keep him. Anger at the injustice, the futility, the waste. It hurt too much and in her desperation she decided to push it away with the only positive feeling she could grasp onto. 

 

Blue slid onto Gansey’s lap where he was sitting on the edge of the bed. She clasped her hands behind his neck and placed her forehead against his, her eyes screwed shut. “Touch me, Gansey. Please,” she whispered. Her voice didn’t sound like hers. It didn’t surprise her. Her body didn’t feel like hers, her thoughts didn’t seem like hers, nothing felt right. But she didn’t care. At that moment she wanted to be anyone but the cursed Blue Sargent. She arched into him and gripped his neck tighter. His hands were on her waist to keep her from falling but he didn't reciprocate in any other way. Frustrated she sat back a bit and reassessed her options. Gansey’s face was furrowed with worry and not helpful in the slightest. Blue changed tactics and lifted her sundress over her head revealing her two-piece swimsuit.

 

“Blue,” Gansey said quietly.

 

Desperate to get him to engage, to make the sadness go away, she grabbed the hem of his shirt and tugged it over his head. He allowed this too, but still didn’t touch her.

 

“Blue,” he said again and he sounded so sad. She wanted to be able to kiss him just to get him to stop saying her name that way. She started to run her hands over his chest and arms, but it wasn't working. The pain in her chest wouldn't go away and Gansey wouldn’t do anything to make it better. Her touches grew more frantic.

 

Finally, he grabbed her wrists to still her hands, holding them firmly to her legs. She fought him for a momentand he said, “Blue, stop,” and it broke her. She collapsed against his shoulder and cried. 

 

It wasn’t the silent, dignified kind of crying either. It was ugly and loud and messy. At some point Gansey pulled them both back further on the bed so that his head was on the pillows and her head was on his chest. He curled around her with one hand buried in her hair and the other wrapped tightly around her shoulders. He held her until she cried herself out. 

 

Once her breathing started to return to normal she pulled back and wiped her nose and eyes. Glancing at Gansey she noticed his eyes were red rimmed too. He held her face with both his hands and brushed what was left of her tears away with his thumbs. “Should we stop this?” he asked sadly.

 

“What do you mean?” she sniffed.

 

“Should we stop pursuing this thing between us? Should we stick to our quest for Glendower and our friendship and put the rest of it on hold?”

 

She sat up on one elbow so she could look him in the eye better. “No. No, Gansey,” she said fiercely. “That is not what I want.”

 

“I don’t want to hurt you, Jane.” Blue noted the use of the nickname and recognized it as his effort to put some distance between them. It scared her more than anything else he could say.

 

“Listen to me, Richard Campbell Gansey the third. The first time I ever laid eyes on you was in that churchyard on St. Mark’s Eve. I’ve known from the very beginning what the risks are and I still chose this. I want this, Gansey. No matter what.” She was firm in her convictions but then her insecurities kicked in. “Is that what you want? Do you want to stop?”

 

“No, Blue. I don’t.” He pressed his thumb and forefinger hard onto his eyelids. Then he looked her in the eye again. “I’ve never felt more right about anything in my whole life. But it still feels awfully selfish.”

 

“Well, it’s too late anyway,” she sniffed.

 

“Too late for what?”

 

“For protecting me from getting hurt. I’m already in pretty deep.”

 

“Yeah?” he asked, tentatively.

 

“Yeah. Like all the way in,” she admitted softly, laying her head back down on his arm where she could still see his face.

 

“Me too,” he whispered and Blue thought there might be tears in his eyes, but it was possible they were just remnants from before.

 

“Okay then,” she smiled reassuringly.

 

“Okay.” Gansey for once seemed at a loss for words.

 

He ran his fingertips across her cheek and under her chin. They continued to gaze at each other, memorizing and savoring the moment. It was tender and sweet but far from what Blue pictured when she’d fantasized about being in Gansey’s bed.

 

“Did I ruin it?” she asked after a while.

 

“Ruin what?”

 

“The magical curtain-fluffy bed-just-the-two-of-us vibe?”

 

He bit his lip and smiled at her. “Not ruined. No. As long as it’s the real Blue here with me. Not the ‘sad and angry Blue’ that wants to hide from her feelings.”

 

“That Blue left,” she declared sitting up a bit. “It’s a good thing because I think she might have snotted on your shoulder there.” She was pleased to hear him laugh lightly as she wiped at his collarbone with a corner of the sheet. She let the sheet fall away and ran her fingers over his shoulder instead. His skin felt warm and smooth under her fingertips and she allowed her eyes to roam over the rest of his chest.

 

“My eyes are up here, Sargent,” he teased.

 

She smiled back at him unapologetically and continued to gaze at him. He really was quite beautiful, especially in that hazy golden light and with that decidedly un-president-cell-phone look in his eyes. She badly wanted to kiss him, and not just on his lips. While they’d decided to keep both their mouths off limits in wariness of the curse, they’d recently gotten quite creative within those limitations. Blue remembered back to the night on the bluff when they’d explored those possibilities and she felt a rush of warmth go through her. Her mind started skittering to all sorts of shocking things and she took a deep breath to slow herself down.

 

She flicked her eyes back up to Gansey’s and found him looking at her bemusedly. She decided she should say something before they got ahead of themselves. Or, really before she got ahead of herself. Gansey hadn’t lifted a finger to touch her yet. “Um. Despite what ‘sad, angry Blue’ might have indicated, I don’t think I’m ready to,” she paused and bit her lip, “…have actual sex with you just yet. I thought I should put that out there before we get carried away. You know, so we’re clear.”

 

He smiled adoringly at her. “I wasn’t expecting us to. You know, so we’re clear.”

 

She smiled adoringly back. “Good.”

 

“Good. Now, stop talking so I can concentrate on having my way with you.”

 

She knew he was joking but she couldn’t deny the flush of excitement those words elicited in her. The idea of Gansey being bold with her was interesting to say the least. She bit her lip and felt the warmth of her blush spread across her cheeks and down her neck. Gansey was watching, as always, and his eyebrows raised the slightest bit. She had little doubt that he catalogued that reaction for the future.

 

He pulled away and sat up so he was kneeling on the bed by her legs. “Now where did I put that book of poetry?” he teased.

 

She laughed and bumped him playfully with her knee. With a mischievous grin he wrapped his hands around both her legs and gave a quick, rough tug, pulling her off the pillows to lie flat on her back in the middle of the bed. She let out a startled sound that was half laugh, half gasp and his grin widened. She had a matching one that felt like it might split her face open, while her heart pounded hard enough to do the same to her chest.

 

Gansey leaned over her, looking intently in her eyes and his smile faded into a look of intense desire. He placed his forehead against hers as he carefully lowered the rest of his body on top of hers. Blue let her legs fall apart slightly so there was room for his knees between them. While he didn’t put all his weight on her, enough of it pressed her in just the right places that a gasp escaped her mouth into his parted lips.

 

While her earlier outburst as ‘sad, angry Blue’ was a little embarrassing, she couldn’t help but be pleased that it had resulted in them both being partially undressed already. She ran her hands up his smooth sides and over his muscular back, excited to hear him hitch his breath as she did so. He nuzzled at her neck using his nose and chin and warm breath, carefully avoiding using his lips. It still sent shivers throughout her torso. She loved everything about him being on top of her. The muscles in his arms that flexed as he supported his own weight. The heat of his chest as it pressed against hers. The unmistakeable pressure against her thigh.

 

“Blue,” he murmured in one ear, his breath hot and humid on her neck. He shifted to her other ear. “ _Blue_.” This time it was more of a breathy moan.

 

She suddenly regretted what she had said earlier. She did want to have sex with him. Right then and again in an hour and again every hour after that for the rest of her life. She never wanted that feeling to end. But she knew changing her mind in the moment meant stopping and talking about protection and feelings and all the rest, and stopping was completely out of the question. So she compromised with herself and instead followed the instinct to roll her hips up into his. The sensation was exquisite even through all the layers of clothing. He must have agreed because the groan he let out against her shoulder perfectly encapsulated what her body was screaming at the logical part of her brain.

 

She started to do it again but Gansey put a hand on her hip to still her. 

 

“Too much?” she asked, a little frustrated. 

 

“Yes,” Gansey breathed. “God yes. I won’t last three minutes if you keep doing that.”

 

Blue was pleased to see him that undone. She felt a power surge through her veins knowing that it was her getting him that way. “Okay,” she said breathlessly. He rested his head against her shoulder for a moment longer, breathing heavily. “Are you alright?” she asked.

 

He pulled away slightly to meet her eyes. “Yeah,” he said. “It’s just really intense,” he added, sounding a little embarrassed.

 

“I know,” she agreed. “I might not last long either.”

 

“Really?” he smiled with a little awe in his eyes. Or was it pride? 

 

He adjusted so that more of his weight was on his knees and less of it was pressing against her. She missed the weight of him immediately but soon realized that it meant his hands were less encumbered and she liked that she could see his face better. His eyes were dark and his cheeks were flushed. His mouth was slightly open and his lips were wet and irresistibly kissable. She licked her lips too.

 

Gansey reached behind her neck and untied the straps on her swimsuit. He watched her face carefully as he pulled the fabric down her torso to expose her breasts. She allowed the pent up breaths within her to escape in stilted gasps, expressing her encouragement. He lowered his mouth so close to her chest that she almost pushed him away, afraid that he was going to breach the ‘no mouths’ rule. Instead he exhaled slowly across her breasts, open mouthed. His breath was hot and moist and so tantalizing. He followed with his hands, lightly drawing spirals around one breast and watching as the nipple hardened to an almost painfully sensitive nub. She arched her back off the bed and hooked her ankles around the backs of his thighs. He seemed very pleased with that reaction and turned the same attention to her other breast.

 

He continued down to her belly that way, a combination of warm breath and light fingers. It was making Blue pant and shiver.

 

Gansey glanced up at her face as he started to toy with the top edge of her bathing suit bottoms, silently asking for permission. She shook her head ‘no’ and his expression changed to surprised concern. She pulled on his arms and waited until he brought his face back up close to hers and then murmured, “You first.”

 

He looked wary and unsure for the first time since they had started to fool around. She reached for the waistband on his shorts and his mouth dropped open wider. He looked like he was about to try to talk her out of it so she grabbed onto his waist and pulled him close. She maneuvered him so that he was laying next to her on the bed and turned on her side so that they were facing each other. He placed his hands on either side of her face and rested his forehead against hers as she reached again for the tie on his shorts.

 

He was breathing as if he’d just sprinted a mile, his minty breath hot on her jawline. “Blue, you don’t have to….” he started.

 

“I want to,” she interrupted. They’d gotten plenty intimate that night on the bluff but she hadn’t actually touched him yet, and she was determined to remedy that situation. She untied the string on his swim shorts and reached inside before she could lose her nerve. He tensed and jerked when her hand found him and let out a stifled ‘ahh’. She determinedly pushed his shorts out of the way and felt a swell of pride when she rather deftly pulled him out.

 

“Jesus, Blue,” he gasped. His head was wedged into the crook of her neck and they were both a little sweaty. She wrapped her hand around his erection and reveled in the pleasing weight of it. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him as she experimented with how to touch him. 

 

“Show me what to do,” Blue murmured. “What do you like?”

 

“Everything. Anything.” He mumbled into her shoulder.

 

“Come on. I showed you,” she insisted.

 

He pulled away a bit to gauge her seriousness. “Okay,” he breathed. He hesitated a moment longer then wrapped his hand lightly around hers. He guided her hand in long, slow stokes from base to tip. 

 

“Like that?” She asked as he released her hand so she was moving it on her own.

 

“Yeah. Um. You can hold tighter. Yeah. God, that’s …” He couldn’t seem to finish the sentence as he choked back a moan. He started to move his hips in time with her strokes and somehow their bodies creeped even closer together. It was a slightly awkward angle for her wrist so she adjusted it until her hand was wrapped 3/4 of the way around him and the part not covered by her hand was pressed against the lowest part of her bare belly. He continued to undulate his hips in an incredibly sexy way, thrusting in and out of her hand. She wasn't sure if it would be enough but he was gasping and every muscle in him was rigid.

 

With just a few more thrusts he groaned louder, “Blue, Blue, I’m…” and then he stopped breathing. He crushed her to him fiercely as he came in hot pulses between their stomachs.

 

He was curled slightly on top of her as he recovered, his head buried in her neck again. He was heavy but Blue decided it felt kind of nice.

 

“Breathe, Gansey,” she whispered a little playfully.

 

“Jesus, Blue,” he huffed and pulled back to look at her.

 

“You already said that,” she teased.

 

“Did I?” His voice was still tight, his breathing still hard. She’d expected their usual light-hearted banter but his eyes were still dark, his expression still so hungry. It refocused her own desire.

 

Gansey sat up a bit and grabbed his t-shirt off the edge of the bed. He used it to wipe off her stomach and then his own before tossing it onto the floor. She was still a bit sticky and they both were flushed and sweaty but she was surprised to find she kind of liked the messiness. It made if feel all the more real. It also seemed to pull Gansey just that much further away from his usual perfectly coiffed and composed demeanor.

 

He tucked himself back into his shorts and scooted down her body so his face was at her belly. He closed his eyes and rested his forehead there as if gathering his resolve. She could see how desperately he wanted to use his mouth on her and god, she wanted that too. She closed her eyes and pictured him licking the rest of the stickiness off her belly. She imagined him kissing and then biting at her skin on her hipbones, the insides of her thighs. When she opened her eyes he was looking up at her through his long lashes, his mouth open and just an inch from her skin and she never regretted her curse more than in that moment.

 

She realized her hand was still wet with his come, but instead of wiping it off she brought it up to her breast and smeared it around with her fingertips. She liked the slippery feel of it and continued to fondle it lazily. Gansey looked entranced.

 

Blue was a little surprised by her own lack of inhibitions. She felt a little drunk, almost. Not like the one time, in an uncharacteristic cousin bonding moment, she and Orla snuck a bottle of something out and took swigs under the beech tree. Then, she’d felt less inhibited but also like she couldn’t keep track of her thoughts. She was more present than that, being intimate with Gansey, but she felt free and loose and unconstrained. And safe. She felt so safe with Gansey that it allowed a different part of her brain to take over and the rewards were immediate and amazing. Gansey seemed to appreciate it, too and even seemed to be teetering on the edge of letting himself go in the same way. And oh, she wanted to see that.

 

“God, Blue,” he mumbled into her stomach. “I want you so much.” He sounded anguished and Blue was a little surprised. It wasn’t like Gansey to pressure her, even if she’d been having the same thought just a few minutes before. His eyes flicked up to hers suddenly. “I didn’t mean that like it sounded. I want _this_ with you. This is enough. I just want it to last forever.”

 

“Come here,” she murmured, pulling on his shoulders until his face was next to hers, his body mostly on top again. She placed a hand on his jawline and pulled him in to rub noses with hers. 

 

He bit his lip and gazed at her with blatant desire. “I want to make you come over and over and over again,” he whispered. Blue took hold of his hand and guided it down her body and into her bikini bottoms. He groaned as his fingers found her wet folds and she responded with a breathy gasp.

 

He was so beautiful looking down at her in the golden light. His pupils were huge under his heavy lids, his lips were wet and red. He studied her face too, as his hand explored, and Blue had some trouble keeping her breathing in check. After a while, he pulled his hand back up and rubbed two wet fingers around her nipple, the same one that she had wetted minutes before. 

 

Without taking his eyes off her he slid his hand back down her body. She jolted and arched her back off the bed when he found her clit and started rubbing it the way she had taught him. She moaned and writhed with abandon. He brought her right up to the edge and she was chasing the feeling but it was just out of reach. She needed something more and she would have asked for it but she didn’t know exactly what it was.

 

Gansey paused and watched her carefully. He waited a moment more and then shocked her by boldly driving two fingers deep inside her. Blue cried out in shock and intense pleasure, arching off the bed to meet his hand. That was it. That was what she needed. How did he know? He continued to pump his fingers into her deeply, watching her face carefully. She was strung out taut on the pleasure and realized somewhere in the back of her head that she was moaning loudly and her fingers were gripping his biceps hard enough to probably leave bruises. He buried his face in her neck and murmured, “Come for me, Blue.” And she did, shuddering violently and whimpering his name.

 

Gansey held her tightly as the aftershocks coursed through her body. Then he gently removed his hand and whispered sweet words in her ear, running his fingers up and down her side for a long time.

 

“How’d you get so good at this?” Blue asked after they’d both caught their breaths. She was laying with her head on Gansey’s arm again, both of them smiling lazily at the floating lights above.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You know what I need before I even know what I need,” Blue prompted.

 

“I’m a studious sort, you know. I’ve been doing my research.” Blue thought she detected a little bit of pride in his voice. Was he gloating?

 

“What, like watching porn? Studying the kama sutra?”

 

“No!” Gansey laughed. "But I’ve always been good at watching for clues. Interpreting them. And you are pretty easy to read.”

 

“Oh really?”

 

“Mmmhmm. Of all my quests and obsessions, getting you to come undone has been far from the most challenging.” _Definitely gloating._

 

“I didn’t realize I was in competition with Glendower. Maybe I should play harder to get.”

 

“Unless you require me to learn another dead language, he’ll win I’m afraid.”

 

Blue sat up on one elbow and looked at him with mock shock.

 

“I meant in difficulty!” He sputtered again. “Only difficulty, I swear. In every other category you win, unequivocally.” He bit his lip and looked at her with trepidation. Then let his head fall back. “I’m going to stop talking now.”

 

She laughed lightly and snuggled back up onto his chest. “I think that is a good idea.”

 

After a few moments he piped up again. “For the record, you did just say I was really good at this, right?”

 

“Hmm. I may have said something along those lines,” she acquiesced.

 

“Just checking.” She could hear the smile in his voice.

 

“Don’t let it go to your head,” Blue warned.

 

“Too late.”

 

 

 


End file.
